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SprintT was talking to me on AIM and we got onto the subject of poetry. I was inspired to do some digging and find my old Xanga blog where I published some of my on the fly works. This one was one I reread and found myself particularly pleased about.

I called it:

The Ashes of the Mobius Strip

Cancer cures the ideas that look too far over the edge
When we enter this world we make an unspoken pledge
The mirror's edge collapses if you define definition
Or if you dare try to compose a suitable rendition.

Kerosene and black magic
Comedic values bathe in the tragic.

What's the point in thinking about where space ends?
Is it just as important as how much she spends?
Zoom back in; the focus is happily less dramatic
Zoom far out; you court the anti-climatic.

Gasoline and the great lines of oil
Sleep snugly in this mortal coil.

The key to comfort in worshiping the divine
Is to never attempt to find the end of the line
To trust that the line will always divide
And that nothing will creep over the other side.

Stocks and shoes and cars and love
No one questions the intents of a dove.

Though measuring our time through celestial rotation
Not one of those stars owes us an explanation
Invest your comfort in the solid ground below you
And set your limit to the sky and any shade of blue.

Dance brigades and festival days
Black and white come from several greys.

Compare stones to rocks and feelings to thoughts
And split decisions to forget-me-nots
Peel away from the heavenly paradox
And leave the timekeeping to the clocks.

The flow is perfect if you just go with it
You'll find that you're the only thing that's infinite.

~*~

What'cha think?

Updated: 06/12/09 4:01 PM Log in to comment! | Share this!

The People Have Spoken

13 Comments

Jun. 12, 2009 | 4:00 PM peacefulsniper says:

awesome.

Jun. 14, 2009 | 10:54 AM Zerok responds:

I can tell you're sincere from your use of punctuation!

Jun. 12, 2009 | 4:07 PM SprintT says:

Interesting journey. Worth the read. Other than that I don't have a whole lot to say at this time.

Jun. 14, 2009 | 10:55 AM Zerok responds:

Does that mean you'll come back with a 700 word review some time in the near future? A line by line analysis? Money?

Jun. 14, 2009 | 1:55 AM SevenSeize says:

*stands up and claps*

Jun. 14, 2009 | 10:55 AM Zerok responds:

A standing ovation? You're too kind.

Jun. 15, 2009 | 2:29 PM MichaelHurst says:

*slow clap that eventually gets to full speed*

Great poem.

Jun. 20, 2009 | 7:53 PM Zerok responds:

Thank you kind sir.

Jun. 20, 2009 | 7:41 PM Twilight says:

Lol poems.

I like poetry.

I thought it was kind of dumb to have rhyming lines, a poem this serious shouldn't take the children's route in the rhyme scheme.

Jun. 20, 2009 | 7:55 PM Zerok responds:

I consider the rhyming to be a crucial part of the flow and pace of the poem. Stuff that doesn't rhyme feels too much like writing to me. Also I don't think rhyme and seriousness are connected in any way :P

Jun. 20, 2009 | 10:34 PM Evark says:

I've found myself circling the mobius strip.
Burning questions away with my musings' quips,
as though tying the ends were to better equip
those to drink in my answers from the taste of the sip.

But I didn't like the conclusions everyone drew,
nor interpretations' ubiquity of what I thought I knew.

Yet I still would infer, as your poem implies,
that your mobius metaphor surely belies
the notion of the infinite as that without lies,
or conceived insignificance simply 'cause something dies.

It is what it is till it is what it isn't,
we're so stuck on what's sent; we don't know where it went.

Not that we could, nor to say that we should.
I just can't get behind people's concept of 'good',
as it seems vaguely based on the grounds they've stood.
I'm told what to will when I don't think I would.

The more your poem has wrinkled my thoughts
the more interested I am in furthering this riposte.

For I like a poem such as this, and I think
it does my mind good to metaphorically link
unrelated events through the ruse of your ink
and make the connection: it's divinity's wink.

So as we tickle mentation into giggly elation
and the knots yet untied fray with strained realization

I'd like to impart quite the wizened response,
yet I can't find the fountain and I'm no Juan Ponce.
But isn't that the nature of your poetry's thoughts?
Aren't we the glacier invading all inhabitable plots?

We take up the space until there's no room.
I do not agree with negativity the in doom.

Jun. 20, 2009 | 10:37 PM Evark says:

"... negativity the in..." = "... the negativity in..."

What an awful mistake. Typo in the conclusion and I liked that line the most. Anyway, there's my half-hour response. : )

Jun. 20, 2009 | 11:44 PM Zerok responds:

Damn man. Now I have to put effort into a counterresponse (<-- not a word :3) sometime soon. It's the only appropriate way to honour your feedback.

Jun. 20, 2009 | 11:49 PM MadiiMonsterr says:

AMAZING

Jun. 21, 2009 | 1:43 PM Zerok responds:

I suppose your caps make up for the lack of punctuation. Thanks!

;)

Jun. 21, 2009 | 9:34 PM jakenator85 says:

hello

Jun. 29, 2009 | 10:21 AM Zerok responds:

Hi.

Jun. 24, 2009 | 2:11 AM SirNickaroo says:

Very original. Usually poetry posted on NG sucks, but yours is actually very original. Oh, I also enjoy your posts as well

Jun. 29, 2009 | 10:21 AM Zerok responds:

Check out Evark's reply too. I still have to respond in kind :)

Thank you x 2

Jun. 24, 2009 | 11:07 PM psychicpebble says:

Haha

Jun. 29, 2009 | 10:21 AM Zerok responds:

Good one I know.

Jun. 27, 2009 | 12:45 PM jakenator85 says:

I'm holding contests at my userpage. If you wanna participate, for your own good, make sure you read all of the comments there are so far.

Jun. 29, 2009 | 1:57 PM GiantDouche says:

Since you locked our thread we have no idea what the current room is. And only desperate noobs who don't even use Stickam still +1, to my knowledge nobody else still keeps track of posts.. Now we have no chat, I would start a new thread but I am almost certain it would get deleted in a heartbeat. I propose a header at the top of general saying the current room. No opportunities to bitch/post/do just about anything there. Great poem.